Cinematical

A few years back, Jamie Kennedy and a few pals decided to make a documentary about the ways in which comedians deal with rude hecklers. But somewhere about halfway through the movie, the guys decided that hecklers weren't all that interesting, and so they chose to set their sights on ... film critics. Debuting on DVD this week, Heckler spends a lot of time arguing about how pointless film critics are ... but then why does the DVD come plastered with quotes like these?

"Hilarious!" -- Variety

"A Must-See!" -- The New York Sun

"Extremely Entertaining" -- Film Threat

...and my favorite: "Insightful" -- Cinematical.com

Now, I'm not trying to bash the film or Jamie Kennedy (and for those who really want my thoughts on the film -- a film in which yours truly is chastised for having the audacity to write a negative movie review -- you can check out this blog post right here), but doesn't this seem just a little bit whole lot hypocritical? If more than half of your movie is dedicated to the idea that film critics are whiny little jerks who should be ignored ... then how can you plaster a bunch of (relatively) positive blurbs onto your DVD cover?

Perhaps Mr. Kennedy could explain this to us, and it's something I mentioned in the earlier blog piece: If, for example, I think Son of the Mask is an atrocious piece of junk, then I'm a clueless fool -- but if I think Heckler is "insightful," then somehow I'm transformed into a genius? Can't have it both ways, Jamie. Having said that, I don't mind throwing a little publicity towards Heckler, mainly because it's not every day I'm verbally abused in a documentary film. I'm more confused than offended, frankly, because I've been pretty complimentary towards Kennedy over the years. Even if most of the movies he's in are massive crap-heaps.

Love Iron Man? Hate cancer? Have a lot of money? (I knew that third one would be the toughie.) If you can answer YES to all three questions, then you just might stand a chance of walking through a scene in Marvel's Iron Man 2. Seems that the Stand Up to Cancer organization (you've probably seen their promo at the movies) is auctioning off one HELL of a slick Iron Man 2 package. And here's what the winner shall receive:

A visit to the set (complete with photo tour), a meet & greet with cast and crew members, a "walk-on / extra" role in the sequel, and two tickets to the world premiere of Iron Man 2. And you'll even get to walk down the red carpet at the world premiere, completely geeked out and feeling justifiably heroic because YOU donated the biggest chunk of change to a powerful new cancer research foundation. It all sounds so great ... but who knows how much this package will go for?

You can see the full details over at ComicsPriceGuide.com, and then you can check out the eBay auction page right here. (As of September 7 the bidding stands at $5,100.) Anyone want to lay a friendly bet on how high this auction will go?

(Thanks to my pal Ed and his Marvel Movies! Facebook page for this win-win news item. To the eventual winner, I say this: Well done, sir. Or madam. Well done.)

Frankly I'm a little bit confused as to why Sam Raimi never allowed Dylan Baker to become The Lizard. The guy had three full movies in which to utilize the character, but then again -- I suppose "The Lizard" isn't nearly as high-profile (or as nifty) as Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus, The Sandman, or Venom. But they let a one-armed Dylan Baker hang around for this long, so why not give the actor his shot at villainy already?

Having ranted that, I now turn my attentions towards some of the other (as yet unused) Spider-Man villains -- and this superhero has lots of 'em. (I'm fully convinced that Spidey's "rogue gallery" is one of the biggest reasons for the book's ongoing popularity.) I realize that some of these guys might work better on the page than on the big screen, but hey, you can't make two more Spidey sequels without two or three (or four) new villains. So even though the screenplays are probably already finished, I figure this is a fun topic to toss around...

Jason Statham as The Vulture -- I vaguely remember this green, winged character being a bit older than Mr. Statham, but Vulty was also bald and a real nasty character, so I'd still go with Statham.

Bill Paxton as Mysterio -- Dunno why I picked Paxton. Probably because he's one of my favorite actors, and I'd love to see him play a big-budget villain. Plus he wears a big fish-bowl on his head, so any good actor with a strong voice could pull this off.

Gerard Butler as Kraven the Hunter -- Like this guy couldn't play a homicidal game hunter. Plus he kinda looks like Kraven.

Readers of this blog are well aware that Mr. Guillermo Del Toro (aka Mr. Awesome Genre Film) is about to spend the next several years helming a pair of Hobbit movies for producer Peter Jackson ... who is certainly no slouch in the action / horror / fantasy department. And we all know that Del Toro has long yearned to do an adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's At the Mountains of Madness -- which he probably will be doing at Universal some time in the future.

Ah, but there are two words you'll hear a lot regarding Guillermo Del Toro: "Universal" and "future." More specifically, the filmmaker and the studio look to be teaming up for the next two decades! According to one doozy of a Variety article, Uni and Guille will be teaming up for (get this) new versions of Frankenstein, Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, and Slaughterhouse-Five*, as well as an adaptation of Dan Simmons' upcoming "alternate reality Charles Dickens" novel Drood! Oh, and he'll also be producing Hater with Mark Steven Johnson and Crimson Peak with Matthew Robbins!

This guy's like the Derek Jeter of genre directors! And frankly, it couldn't happen to a cooler moviemaker. I'll include a few choice quotes after the jump, but you should probably just peruse the whole article for yourself. It actually makes you want to look PAST The Hobbit so you can get a peek at (dear lord) Guillermo Del Toro's Frankenstein. I get goose bumps just thinking about it.

(* Gotta feel bad for Frank Darabont. He really wants to make this movie.)

Back in June we reported on a pair of upcoming films that deal with Greek Mythology in one way or another. One is the remake of Clash of the Titans, and the other is something very cool-sounding called Lords of War. And now it looks like we might have a third entry in the chariot sweepstakes. (Or four if you include the new Argonauts project!)

Details are sketchy at this point, but Variety indicates that writer-director Sheldon Lettich has been tapped by producer Alexander Nevsky to get to work on Hercules: The Beginning. I assume the "snake in the crib" story will be included, considering that we're starting at "The Beginning." (I further assume that a subtitle like "The Beginning" indicates a plan for sequels...)

Mr. Lettich is no stranger to the action section: He recently penned Rambo 4 and he's responsible for no less than FIVE Jean-Claude Van Damme movies! Five! Including the one where there's TWO Van Dammes!

Somehwere, Kevin Sorbo is waiting for his phone to ring.

You might think Fantastic Fest announces their annual line-up in three big chunks so they can get a little extra press, right? (Hell, if that technique is good enough for Toronto, then it's good enough for Fantastic Fest!) That's a small part of it, but the main reason Tim League announces his slate in three big chunks -- is because he's busy trolling the planet up until the very last minute, looking for good movies. (In the past month he's been to Korea, Turkey, and PORTLAND!)

If you're looking for FF Batch One or Batch Two, you can find those here and here OR at the official FF website ... but if you want the final batch, well, you'll find that right here. As usual I'll include the full press release after the jump, but not before mentioning new Fanty* additions like Fanboys (my review here), JT Petty's The Burrowers, The Good, the Bad, and the Weird (which is so good it's playing Telluride, Toronto AND Fantastic Fest), Alien Raiders (aka Supermarket), and the long-awaited Repo! A Genetic Opera from Saw-lord Darren Lynn Bousman.

Woohoo! Not one holocaust documentary or 165-minute French political drama at this festival, folks! And of course you should expect a few last-minute surprises. This is, after all, the festival that scored (way) early screenings of Apocalypto, Persepolis, Southland Tales, Pan's Labyrinth, There Will Be Blood, and ... um ... Postal. FF begins on September 18, and you know who'll be covering for us? The ultra-mega-stellar awesome team of Goss, Martin, Kernion & Weinberg. And we take our genre stuff very seriously.

*Yes, "Fanty." Let's hope it sticks.

It's difficult (and a little silly) to try and judge an entire quarter-year's movies in one lump sum -- but that's what we seem to do at the end of every Summer Movie Season. That's when all our excitement, expectations, and final reactions come colliding together and we find ourselves thinking: "Was I actually looking forward to that piece of crap for four months?" But to me, each summer is like a walk through a carnival: Some of the attractions dazzle me, others simply don't interest me, and a few are just a waste of tickets. But once early May rolls around, I'm always ready for another trip to the Hollywood Movie Carnival. (It's where you find all the tentpoles!)

So while I'm elated to greet the upcoming season of "prestige movies," there's little denying that we've had one hell of a good summer, cinematical-ly speaking. I'm not talking about box office grosses, because frankly that stuff is so unimportant. What matters is that we got some good flicks, a few pieces of mindless (yet well-made) popcorn adventures, and even a few great films that will enjoy a very long shelf life. So while I'm not exactly sure that 2008 represents the finest Summer Movie Season of all time, I'd definitely say it was more good than bad. But if you can think of a summer that was better than this one, you know where to throw your comments. (In the comments section.)

I had a ball describing Fear(s) of the Dark to my fellow movie freaks. After really enjoying the film at last January's Sundance Film Festival (and calling Fantastic Fest Master Chief Tim League to give him the scoop), I made sure to come up with an apt description for the film. "Hmm, what's it about?" my fellow fest-goers would ask, to which I'd reply "Oh, it's your typical French animated ... horror ... anthology. In black & white." The next response was either "Oooh, cool," (my friends) or "Meh, not my speed." (total strangers).

Created by a collection of gifted graphic artists that includes names like Charles Burns, Romain Slocombe, and Marie Caillou, Fear(s) of the Dark is not exactly a Creepshow-style omnibus, but for genre fans who can appreciate a little culture now and again, I'd call it a very cool little treat. And if you're a big fan of graphic arts or the craft of animation, then I suspect you'll devour this French delicacy with a very large spoon. Plus, best of all, it's creepy!

Fear(s) of the Dark opens on in New York City (and On Demand! Like in your living room!) on October 24 before rolling into other towns -- and yep, it's also screening a few times at Austin's Fantastic Fest -- but we're very proud to bring you the first official poster for the film. Trust me when I say the poster fits the movie quite well. Click below for the noir-ness!

There's a lot of cinematic power behind Warner Bros. upcoming political thriller Body of Lies: It's directed by Oscar-winner Ridley Scott (Gladiator), it's written by Oscar-winner William Monahan (The Departed), and it stars reliable talents / big-time movie stars like Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe. Based on the novel by David Ignatius, Body of Lies tells the story of a journalist who is enlisted by the CIA to help track down a suspected terrorist. That's only the sketchiest of plot synopses, but since I haven't read the book, I'd like to enjoy Body of Lies without knowing the whole story.

And we're very pleased to bring you the very first look at the official one-sheet for Body of Lies. (It's behind the jump!) The film hits theaters on October 10 -- and since it's a Ridley Scott film, you just know I'll be there opening night. If it's half as good as Mr. Scott's last "action" film (the stellar Black Hawk Down), then I'll be a happy guy. (Click here for the poster!)

Spike Lee and Disney might sound like a pretty odd combination, but I don't really see it that way. (Lest we forget that the excellent 25th Hour was a Disney production.) Love the guy or not, Spike Lee has turned into quite the eclectic filmmaker over the last few decades -- and so when I heard that the guy was helming a $50 million WWII drama for Disney, I was intrigued but not surprised. Based on the book by James McBride -- and adapted for the screen by same -- Miracle at St. Anna tells the tale of four black soldiers who find themselves stuck behind enemy lines in Italy.

Opening September 26, St. Anna stars Derek Luke, Michael Ealy, Laz Alonso, and Omar Benson Miller. Also on board are John Turturro, D.B. Sweeney, Kerry Washington, John Leguizamo, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Riding high after his last feature film (the solid and profitable Inside Man), Mr. Lee looks to be moving into "Oscar-friendly" territory again with St. Anna -- and I know I'm not the only movie fan who's curious to Lee's first big war movie.